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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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By the time I get to my next session, I’m frazzled but ready to roll. I walk in, and my client’s like, “You look like you’ve been through a war.” I laugh and tell him about my day. We end up having a great session, and I leave feeling like I actually made a difference.

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